Memoirs of a Trichotillomaniac

Dunbar, Kristy. 5'0''. Dark brown hair. Dark brown eyes. Born in Vietnam, Currently resides on the American Eastern Seaboard. 15 years old. Artist. Cinematographer. Student. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Lover. Trichotillomaniac. Human.

I’m writing a book.

When I’m done I really want it to be published and I would just like to know how many people would be interested in reading a book about my personal mental health experiences. It focuses on my 3 hospitalizations (all in the last year) and the events surrounding/causing them. Though the books may contain triggers for some,  I think it will be interesting as I would be interested in hearing anyone else’s story. 

So like or reblog this if you’re interested :P 

nyahhhh LOOK WHAT I CAN DO.

nyahhhh LOOK WHAT I CAN DO.

I feel like I haven’t been honest.

I’ve been in the hospital twice in the last 2 months for self harm and suicidal ideation; more details to come later, because right now, I’m still adjusting back into the real world.

It’s a long winding road that seems endless, but I know it goes somewhere worthwhile. 

I wish…

  1. I could stay in bed all day
  2. that when I go to sleep, I never wake up
  3. people would stop judging me
  4. that I can be known for who I am rather than ‘that kid with the dead sister’
  5. I actually had a talent
  6. my life were actually worth something
  7. I were not so fucking depressed
  8. I could see the bright side of things
  9. I could actually get my school work done
  10. I didn’t physically and mentally destroy myself
  11. I had friends
  12. I were normal
  13. that phone calls didn’t freak me out
  14. I were skinny
  15. I were pretty
  16. people would like me
  17. I could eat what I wanted
  18. my parents would love me
  19. people would see my potential
  20. I would die.

I am such an asshole of a blogger.

I post infrequently, and it’s kinda terrible. 

But the point of this post is to help out this lovely lady, Hayley.

She too has trich, and she is currently in an inpatient program for her psychological struggles. What I would love you guys to do is FLOOD HER INBOX (<—— oh hey look a link!) with lovely messages of SUPPORT. 

It will make her feel all nice and cuddly inside when she gets back <3

I seriously love the internet community. People always tell you not to talk to strangers online, but its seriously been the best decision of my life… ;)

Thank you,
~Kris
 

It seems as if

when the pulling gets better, the picking gets worse. I think its kind of funny that I feel comfortable publishing pictures of my bald head but feel embarrassed if I show anyone my bloody stump of a heel. Odd.

The first day of school was pretty great, by the way. Even though school adds an element of stress to my life, I need structure to be a functional human, and summer doesn’t provide that. Plus, its been a good pick-me-up because I get to see all my friends and I love learning as corny as that sounds. :)

~Kris 

OH YEAH…

and recently I hit 100 followers on tumblr. You guys are the sweetest, taking time to write me nice messages and ask of my advice. It’s funny to think that the strangers of the internet provide more support than your loved ones at home, but I’m so grateful to have all of you in my life.

We all struggle on a daily basis, whether it be minor struggles or the fight to find the will to keep on living. No one I know personally has trich/derm and its amazing how I have found such lovely people to talk to, some of them living at the other side of the globe. It really makes me realize how much of a community the internet is, despite the rude/hateful anons, ignorant comments, or petty fights.

We’re just one big, ol’ fucked up family here <3

August 19th was my birthday. I got a new wig, and I&#8217;m so happy with it. This one is a lighter brown, and is curly.Again, sorry for the lack of posts. It&#8217;s been so hectic. Also, school starts tomorrow.

August 19th was my birthday. I got a new wig, and I’m so happy with it. This one is a lighter brown, and is curly.

Again, sorry for the lack of posts. It’s been so hectic. Also, school starts tomorrow.

Confused.

I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. A few days ago, my mom was carted off to the hospital because she couldn’t feel anything from her ribs down. For the last 12 years, she has been battling Lyme Disease, a disease which attacks your central nervous system and slows down all bodily functions. I feel so guilty, because I’ve spent all this time hating her, wishing she would die, and now she’s on the brink of death. I’m positive its my fault.

Also, I’ve started pulling from my eyebrows. The worst part is that my favorite facial feature is my eyebrows, because I have perfectly shaped them and they suit my face well. The are so very thin that I have to fill them in to make them look only sorta normal. For a while I thought I was doing so well, but the upcoming school year and my mother’s illness is dragging me down and making me pull more hair that ever before. It seems there is no hope left in the world.

xx